ok, from the beginning.
i have an anxiety disorder. this means that i will suddenly and with only a small bit of warning become absolutely positive that i am going to die within the next 5 minutes, usually after being murdered. this homicidal maniac is a zombie man with dreadlocks and no teeth and oozing sores and a ripped icp shirt that hides in any place available
so while my panic attack is happening and all i want to do is get in bed with a knife to protect myself because i'm not allowed to have a gun i have to first go through several "checking" steps:
my coat closet.
inside my egg chair
behind my coffee table
in the closet with the ac unit
in the pantry
under the sink
in the oven
in the refrigerator
in the dogs' crate
behind the shower curtain
in the laundry closet
in the washer
in the dryer
under my bed
in my clothes closet
apparently my homicidal maniac is also a contortionist.
so then i climb in bed with a butcher knife and wait out my panic attack, expecting any moment to have the covers ripped off by mr. icp zombie and be flayed and have a wig made of my scalp and be raped and then murdered and be buried in a snake pit so i could be terrified even in death and all because when i was walking my dogs a car started unexpectedly and it startled me or because i had to go to walmart by myself or because i got a bad grade on a test or because someone stood too near me in line at the pharmacy where i was getting my calm down meds so i wouldn't have these attacks but when i take them i become a zombie and i don't like that either and so i don't take them.
so, i'm at one of my ballroom dance "practice parties," having a nice time, dancing with my instructor, when, out of no where, like a speeding bullet of horrifying horribleness, the other students decide to begin the most wasp-y, terrible, despicable "dance" known to weddings, mitzvahs, and anniversary parties everywhere:
the conga line
so the conga line started as just that: a line. AND THEN they began to circle. and that circle became two. and those circles became three. till it was a mass of people around myself and my instructor and i'm sure they're all going to kill me and finally it breaks up and i can breathe but i'm still sure he's out there. somewhere. starting a conga line of death. i'm on to you, scary murder man.
AND THAT'S HOW I ALMOST DIED. in an inception dance death circle. how depressing.
