Lazy Ballroom Dancing

So. I am taking ballroom dancing classes. It's super fun! Well, for everyone else. I fall. A lot. Like in every lesson. and I am less than graceful. What in the hell convinced me that this was a good idea? It is unfathomable to me. Apparently, I had a momentary lapse in judgement, where i forgot that i don't like to be touched, don;t like groups of people, don't like people watching me. am clumsy, can't remember anything, and when i am anxious because of all of these, i stiffen up and dance even more poorly. i went to a open house type party and saw everyone dancing and had a couple glasses of sangria, after witch i had visions of myself being beautiful and graceful. like this:

happiness, and spinning, and rainbows, and stars and music and perfectness. instead, my dancing is like this:



 yeah. my poor instructor must wonder why he got stuck with a clumsy dinosaur to try to teach dance steps to. i know he gets frustrated. maybe I'll just eat him.

Lazy Black Friday

So. Black Friday. or as it'd better know to those of us who have worked retail, one day of pure, unadluterated hell

i stayed far, far away. instead, i visited the family again. and again, was attacked by the force of their perfectness

even as dinos. they are perfect. ick.

 also. im pretty sure some of those black friday people are zombies. and zombies are dangerous. whats your plan for the zombie apocalypse? mine looks something like this:

click to enlarge

also, im pretty sure that if zombies came, so would dinosaurs. some would come to help us fight the war. others however, would be zombies too. this would possibly be the most dangerous creature ever ever forever, so i have done an amture sketch of what one may look like, so that you know when to run

if you see something even reselbling this run! run as if you have all the happiness and rainbows and kitties and puppies and unicorns in the world to protect! except you'll probably be dead. so bad news for the happiness, rainbows, kitties, puppies, and unicorns. because of you, they are gone. you should just let yourself get eaten.

Lazy Turkey Day

so first i was all yay! turkey and good food, except my family dosent like turkey so we eat ham which is soooo much tastier so i like to call it pig day but that dosent sound as nice.

so anyway. this thanksgiving we are spending at my dad's sister's with all of her good-looking skinny well dressed family and i show up like this, pretty much.

terrible? no. tacky when compared to my horribly preppy cousin and his perfect wife and perfect child?

well yes i just look like a bum. and while the "adults" (which by the way. i am expected to be one of) are chatting about the latest presidential whosywhat and it's effect on whatsis, i am off in a corner, drawing. like this:

i lovelovelove dinosaurs. but they dont understand this. whenever i'm included into the conversation it goes something like this:

real adult: so katie, what's your take on the new thingyamagig policy that will hysteriamernate 85% of all conservativamatrons?

me: dinosaurs! what? oh. um. it's bad?

real adult: how can you say that?! i'm going to smack you with my walking stick made from a unicorn horn!!!

me: but i like unicorns! how dare you kill these magical creatures for your walking purposes.

then we engage in a epic battle of waspy politeness untill i have had enough of the "adultness" and explode into a dino loving unicorn portecting moster of fury but also of cuteness and happiness cause that what unicorns and dinos are.

and then they shun me and make me leave beacuse im scaring the children but all im really trying to do is enlighten then to the awesomeness that is (are?) dinosaurs and unicorns. also zombies. but they're not as cute.

also. i missed ham. cause this side of the family actually has turkey. so at first i was like

and then i was like

so. unicorns and dinosaurs had to be defended, i looked like a bum next to my uber preppy (but sweet) family, and no ham. sad day.

Lazy Fatty

So, the problem with my Lazy Katie lifestyle is that I AM rather lazy. The issue with THIS is that it is quite easy to gain weight, but not so easy to lose it. So I began to look for easy, lazy ways to burn calories. Now, friends, I provide you with easy, lazy everyday tasks and the ways they help.

Chew Sugar-Free Gum.
Not the nicest habit, but it burns eleven calories an hour. How nice!
Wear More Layers
Sounds silly, but wearing more clothing or a sweat suit helps by making you sweat and melting fat! In the same vein, wrapping cellophane ( Mr. Cellophane, shoulda been my name...)* around your stomach and other fatty areas will also give fast results. Be warned, though, cellophane can rub and itch. Not for sensitive skin!

Drink Water

Drinking an ice cold beverage all day long . We are supposed to drink eight 16 ounce glasses of water a day anyway, but to make it better, drinking an ice cold beverage all day raises your metabolism and burns an extra 100 calories! Just make sure you're drinking a zero calorie beverage!

Give a Massage

I don't know about ya'll but I am asked almost daily to give my sweetheart a massage. Well, go ahead an earn those brownie points because a twenty minute massage can burn 100 calories for you!

Now for the fun stuff! One of my biggest bolggie crushes is Jen over at Cake Wrecks. She's funny, geekie, and I think she's great! One of my favorite of her posts goes with this picture.

 

Any guesses?
Nope, not Princess Leia, though I do see where you got that, what with those poo-like swirls.

No, not Elvis either, though those would be some pretty bangin' sideburns.
THIS, my friends is MICKEY MOUSE. Supposedly. Check out Cake Wrecks, it's a daily obsession for me!

That's it for me today! Everyone have a great day and, as always, stay Lazy!

*Extra points if you caught my Chicago reference!

Cause It's a Lazy Sunday

Hey folks! As my first post here on Lazy Katie, I thought I'd take it easy. A little bit of news, pets, fun stuff, and of course, your daily dose of lazy!

This is Ollie, the newest addition to my furry family!
It has been quite a while since I had an honest-to-God kitten in my home, and I must say I had almost forgotten how much work it is! This is a problem for my Lazy Katie attitude! So, I started to research this new little one. I found out that if your cat is near you, and her tail is quivering, this is the greatest expression of love your cat can give you! This totally surprised me, I just thought she was weird! My kitty loves me! I've also discovered that, like all cats, she's very inquisitive and will almost always get into ANY closet, cabinet, or room I open. Thank goodness she's vocal, or I would never find her! The easiest way to keep your cat out of those places is to put citrus scents in them. This not only smells great but keeps your cats away!

 So, as for the news, I hope that by now everyone has heard, but Governor Charlie Crist of our lovely state has decided to immediately stop the enforcement of the Florida ban on gay adoptions! What a wonderful step toward equality, even as the abolition of DADT is blocked. This move comes after the decision of a Miami area judge that the 33 year old law was unconstitutional. Please read the whole story here at The Miami Herald and read more on Don't Ask Don't Tell here.


This is a WEDDING DRESS. Seriously. Yeah. I know. This is the kind of thing that makes my eyes bleed. I have no witty words, no snarky comments. Just this. Check out more ridiculousness on Tacky Weddings.

Now for your daily dose of lazy! How many times have you hit that snooze button five too many times and needed to rush off to work without that chance to wash and blow dry and style and "do" your hair? You are left with two horrible choices:
This (I don't know who this woman is but she clearly has some hair issues)


or this (right?)

Well, I'm here to tell you, bloggy friends, you have a little known third option! Yes! You CAN make it to work on time AND look great! How you ask? Easy my friends! Simple! You know that random thing of baby powder under you bathroom sink? Yes, that one, the one that you don't know why you have it or what to do with? I have the solution! Simply sprinkle powder on your hands, rub together making sure to cover your finger tips, and attack that grease! Run hands through hair and scalp until you no longer look like a wet dog . A word of warning, friends, be sure to brush and blend, or you may look like you're Auntie Em in a middle school production or the Wiz...not attractive. However, IF you remember to blend, your hair will be shiny, lovely, and you'll get to extend the time between stylings and you can get more sleep!

I've quite enjoyed this first post, and I hope others can too! Until next time, I am, Lazy Katie!